What Makes Us...
A podcast exploring in how we develop as people through our experiences and connections between individuals, with groups, and amongst society. Our guests will choose the topic of discussion and share their journey of becoming who they are.
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What Makes Us...
Seek Freedom At 50 with Geetika Goyal
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Turning 50 has a way of stripping things down to what’s real. Not in a dramatic, movie-scene way, but in the quiet moment where you realize you’ve spent decades meeting expectations, holding it together, and playing roles that once made sense but now feel too small.
Brian Hooks sits down with return guest Geetika Goyal, a life coach who works with women in major transition phases, to unpack what “seeking freedom at 50” actually looks like. We talk about the mindset shift that comes when you stop performing an identity for everyone else and start reconnecting with who you are underneath the labels. That includes the courage to be messy sometimes, to try new things, to stop fearing judgment, and to keep your essence while changing the way you express it.
We also get practical about midlife career and success. Why do so many people crave a pivot in their late 40s and 50s but hesitate to act? How do responsibilities, fear of wasted “investment,” and old success metrics keep us stuck? From theater and creativity to leadership and parenting, we explore how success can evolve into happiness, meaning, and the example you set for your kids.
Then we go deeper into the tough part: what happens when 50 hits and life isn’t where you hoped it would be. We break down control versus obsession, acceptance versus resignation, and why your response matters more than the event itself. We also touch on health, longevity, loss, and the wake-up calls that make freedom feel urgent and personal.
If you’ve ever wondered what you’re really chasing as you age, this one will help you name it. Subscribe, share with a friend who’s nearing a milestone birthday, and leave a rating or review so more listeners can find the show.
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If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at BCH Coaching - BCH Coaching
Welcome And Why 50 Matters
SPEAKER_01Welcome to What Makes Us. This is a podcast exploring and how we develop as people through our experiences and connections between individuals, with groups, and amongst society. We'll be bringing on guests to discuss how they've come to be who they are. And along the way, we may end up learning something about ourselves. So please sit back and enjoy your listening to What Makes Us.
Brian (Host)Welcome to What Makes Us. My name is Brian Hooks, and I'm really excited for this episode today because this is like our this is my first follow-up episode uh on this. And today we're gonna do what makes us seek freedom at 50. Uh, and with me is my really good friend uh Gitika, and we are going to have a great conversation. Uh our first session was what makes us well like can you remind me what you I'm just I'm drawing blanks here. I'm totally drawing blanks. What makes us start again at 50? Um, and now we're we're talking about what makes us seek freedom at 50. And uh just in our brief conversation, so much came out of it. So we're we're really excited to share this with you. And this is our uh first time doing a a repeat guest. And so uh please uh introduce yourself again or any new stuff that's comed up coming up for you, and uh what uh and we'll start from there of like what got you interested in this topic of seek freedom at 50.
SPEAKER_00Sure, Brian. First of all, thank you so much, and I feel privileged to be the very first repeat guest on your uh podcast. Yeah, yeah. It was so much fun having that conversation with you last time when we were talking about uh what makes us start again at 50. And yes, this topic, uh seeking freedom at 50, I think it is a continuation of what we talked about last time, right? So um, very briefly telling who I am. Um, I'm a life coach and I specifically work with women in their transition phases. So as a coach, I come across um a lot of um my clients who are in the age bracket of 45 to 55, 60. And uh uh they say, you know, been there, done that. So I am going to be 55, and uh this journey of me being 50 plus till today has shown a lot of changes in my own thought process, um, in my emotional uh you know patterns. So I really feel that seeking freedom at 50, this will be an interesting conversation, Brian, today.
Brian (Host)Right? Yeah, totally. Because I'm on the reverse side of that, right? I'm 45 going to towards 50. So uh like as we talked about earlier, like I'm staring at 50, and and I have no idea, you know, I have a sense because of my own understanding of self, but you know, there's so much that goes on with 50 because you know, uh if anything, it's it's who's been around me, who who are the people I see, who are my role models, and how they have transitioned, right? Like how they have managed turning 50. Um just interesting enough, a little side note here. I went to a birthday party this week uh with a friend of mine that I also did a podcast with, and she she was turning 50. It was her 50th birthday party, and and I was just sitting there and I was looking for a gift for her, and I found this book, and the book was like, you know, how do you celebrate your 50th year? Like it was like instead of just you know the one day, it was like, how's your 50th year gonna be, not just this one day of 50? And so I thought it was an interesting concept, and I and I and I got it for her because I was like, I was like, yeah, this I think this will be good. This is like a journey, it's kind of like a journal setup, and you kind of like write out what your thing was. And so as I looked through it, you know, as we were talking about this, seeking freedom at 50, you know, that that's very relevant for me.
The 50th Birthday Mindset Shift
SPEAKER_00So in fact, in fact, Brian, if I may add here, uh, since you talked about this birthday party, I remember my 50th birthday party, and um, you know, uh, for my 50th birthday, I wanted to just enjoy with my friends, and uh, we we chose to invite more of friends, less of family. And um I I wanted to be dressed differently, I wanted to portray myself differently because I uh I didn't feel that I was getting older. I felt that I was becoming freer, I was becoming more of myself. I was I was uh having this freedom to express myself uh um much more uh you know uh freely and much more in an environment where no one is going to judge me. And even if they judge, I don't care kind of a mindset.
Brian (Host)That's it. So as we let's as we start this, let's kind of almost break this down because I think that's a great entry point, like the freedom to not care. That's what I felt like, right? Because you said it right there. Like, if they have issues with it, I don't I'm 50, I don't care. Like where right? Where does that come from? Like, where do you feel like that that moment, that strength, or just that thought came from of like, you know, I'm 50, whatever.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so I don't think it there is any one moment when this thought arrives. I think it's a journey. Uh, because all your life you are working hard, you're you're trying to make things uh happen the way it should be, you're trying to make the meet ends meet, you are trying to take care of your kids, your family, devoting all your time, energy, everything into either work or family or both, whatever is your routine according to that. And um at 50, I don't know, some, I don't know if that's there is some neurological change that happens. I'm not sure about that. Maybe I should go back and research on that. Do they uh are there any neurons or you know anything that changes in the in the head? But yes, emotionally there is a lot of change that happens. Um see, my example could be different from any other. Uh, but if you if you ask me as a person who turned 50, uh my kids were kind of settled. Um, and uh in fact, they were the ones who were organizing everything for me. So I was kind of free from the organizing part as well. So I was kept aside, everything was a surprise for me. So that was another thing. So this is only about the birthday party, but in general, also, if I talk about it, it's the feeling of okay, I have taken my kids to their friends and uh made them enjoy and made them do whatever they wanted to do, and all that part is over. Now I have time for myself. Now is the time that um I can go back to my younger self instead of feeling old. It was a reverse process for me. I never felt even for a day that I'm getting older. Oh my god, I'm 50. It was not like that, it was like wow, I'm 50.
Brian (Host)So you know there was there was an excitement for it, right? There is like enthusiasm for 50.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, announce it for the word. I'm 50.
Brian (Host)That's interesting.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
Brian (Host)So now you have this freedom, right? Like, and I guess uh there's you know, as we were talking about it, there's so much to one pack with with what freedom is, and I I think an area that we can kind of focus on initially is is what you were kind of hitting on
Identity And Dropping The “Role”
Brian (Host)that identity space. Like, you know, there's you know, is it is it biological? Is there some some chemical in the brain which probably someone will say yes to, right? Like, yeah, because our physical bodies are also at 50. Yes, yes. Um, you know, I as an athlete, as a former athlete, I I do, I'm very cognizant of what I can and cannot do. I think that's something I'm honestly, I'm probably I'm a little worried about. Uh, you know, as I've gotten older, I'm 45 and already I'm feeling bumps. I think on my 45th birthday, uh, this is the true story. 45th birthday, I wake up and I go, oh, my back. Like it was the day 45th birthday day, waking up, and I was like, why does my back hurt?
SPEAKER_05Oh my god, okay.
Brian (Host)And I was like, Oh, is this how 45 is gonna show up? How is 50 gonna show up? Like, that's not right. Still had an amazing day and year is still the year's still going. Um, but yeah, right, like that was I remember that clear day. I woke up and I was like, why is my why is my back hurt? Um, but yeah, our so our bodies are also changing, right? Like, so there's so much that is happening identity-wise, where you know, where are we seeking freedom, right? Like in our identity when it comes to being 50. We're I know so you know, we're all unique, you know, we're all in different places, but there's something about turning 50 within our identities that there's a shift. And I'm just for you, what was that like for you?
SPEAKER_00So um one is for me, it was uh like you know, being myself again. So uh it was I always believed uh that there is nothing to fake, there is nothing you should not be telling to the world. You are what you are, uh, but probably I didn't have the courage to say that. I I I I was still faking to a certain extent, I was still trying to be the best mom or you know, uh someone who is very calm and someone who is having a lot of resilience. Uh because I being the elder one in my in my house, I was looked up as someone who can handle things very uh with a lot of poise and uh lot of uh lot of uh intellect. Um so the identity uh you create for yourself, plus people around you you also create for yourself, for you. So once you are at a certain age, you feel that okay, it's enough of accepting what what others have created for us. And it's time for us to dig deeper into who we are actually, and sometimes be a little mischievous, it's fine. Sometimes be a little naughty, it's fine. Sometimes just break down, it is fine. Uh, it's okay not to be okay all the time, you know. So so all those things, probably for me, that that kind of courage started to show up gradually. That now I can be what I am internally. And in in my journey, my family was a big support. I mean, uh, they they were always there to tell me that, especially my kids and my husband, that you know it's fine. I mean, they never stopped me, they they never told me also earlier also that you have to be like this only. It was maybe my own created identity that I was living all these years. But after a certain point, when kids also became intellectual enough that I was able to discuss my things with them, and my husband was always there. Uh, I I started re-inventing, reconnecting with myself all over again. And that is where this this this seeking freedom kind of a thing, or you know, uh seeking was always there, probably. I wouldn't say that seeking was not there, but that realizing that freedom started with me after that point.
Brian (Host)Yeah, that's true, that's such a good thing. It as I'm looking towards 50 and uh and thinking about what you just said, the being being within the box of other people's perception of you, right? Like I was thinking about this earlier, like what do I want to be to my family? What do I want to be to the people that see me? Like when they see me, what is what what do I want them to say about me? Um and for me, that's always been about uh being dependable, reliable. Um that also puts you in this box of that you have to be this predictable, reliable person. Um, and it's you know, I I wonder, I guess as I'm looking at 50, is that when I'm gonna break that or not be so beholden to this thought process of being dependable to others? Right? Is it more important to be dependable to myself than it is to be dependable to others? But you know, does that
Dependable To Others Or To Self
Brian (Host)does that happen now or does that happen at 50, right? Like um, but that's you know, as you're talking about the the perception in the life that we build up, I think that's really important. That that's 50 years of life experience, or yeah, maybe not 50 years, maybe like you know, 48 years. Like, I don't know when we really start being cognizant of ourselves or our first memories. But you know, that's that's tons of life experience that all of a sudden now is like right there, and you and you have that ability to tap into it, you know. Um, which I think is a is a plus, right? I think that's the plus of 50, right? Yes, your life experience really puts you able to really kind of see, you know, down the road.
SPEAKER_00Down the road, yeah. Much deeper, yes.
Brian (Host)Much deeper, right? Because, you know, I I I was a I'm a history major. I you know, I got my degree in history, so I I always believe that history is is always comes back, right? History just goes around in a circle. It may look a little different, but it's something that's come up before. Right? And and and if that's the case, I got 50 years now of that history to see what's potentially okay. This is gonna come around again. How am I gonna do this differently? Right? Like, I feel like you get the opportunity to almost you know redo some, you know, if you have any regrets later earlier in life, maybe you get the opportunity to redo those at 50.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So, Brian, I'm I'm a major in physics, and physics is all about experiments, right? So, you know, at 50, it's time to experiment all over again. It's like that to me.
Brian (Host)That's good, right? That totally makes sense. That completely makes sense. Uh it's like a it's almost like a renew of life, right? Like you're you're renewing that you're alive, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you know, do the experiments, see if it fails or it if it is successful, but but at least try, at least get into that mode of experimenting. In fact, all of my work, Brian, for that sake, is experimental and very experiential. Uh, everything I have done till now, as a painter, um, whenever I was interviewed by media, I always used to say that my work is very, very experiential and experimental because uh because I don't uh bind myself in the boundaries of definitions. This this has been my habit right from the beginning. And um with studies also uh you know that experimental side of me remained, even if I did not pursue physics as my career option. But I think what I what I learned, what I was taught, the way my foundation years were built, that has uh been very, very impactful on my personality as a whole, also. So that is there. Also, uh, let me also bring up one more point here, Brian. Since we're talking about identity, uh, you mentioned about um you being perceived as someone dependable and you know, someone very responsible. So a lot of us fear uh about uh being perceived as a different person if they would do something different from what they have been doing all these years, and that restricts them from doing something new, uh you know, they they they feel that oh my god, um I have served as um say the CEO of the of a big organization. How can I just go out and play, or maybe uh put up an exhibition, or maybe uh I've been perceived as a very practical person. Now, if I start painting or something, maybe people will think that no, uh, I'm an I'm I I'm a very uh maybe intuitive person, I'm not so practical anymore, or and so these kind of fears also start setting in. And that is when we get stuck up. So so so facing that fear is also one thing that I advocate that do that. No one is going to really remember uh after a certain point what you
Experimenting With Who You Are
SPEAKER_00were, and and see, anyways, we're not going to do something which does not uh follow what we are fundamentally. Fundamentally, we are going to be the same people, right? Like if you are adaptable, if if you're someone dependable, you will still be dependable, you will still be responsible, you you're not going to change your fundamental self, but you can be more of yourself, you can be more of you know, fun, loving, outgoing, or making mistakes kind of a person, which is fine.
Brian (Host)Oh, I I like that because it's not it's not removing something, yes, right? Because I think that's what ends up happening a lot of times, right? Because in this renewal of yourself, there's uh the a perception that you have to get rid of the old.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, right?
Brian (Host)Like you have to get it, it's like I'm gonna erase the past 50 years of life experience because I may yeah, yeah, yeah. I may not like some aspects of that, of that time, but in in those moments, you grow so much. So if you're erasing that, then what are you gonna replace it with, right? Like, and there is that level of experimentation, but sometimes it goes a little bit too far, right? Like, and as you said it, you are trying to replace something that was never a part of you, right? Instead, maybe you just do more of what's maybe what you haven't done.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
Brian (Host)And instead of saying, like, I'm just gonna throw the baby with the bath water, right? Like, throw everything out. No, no, no. It's picking what what are those things that you want to do more of versus the things you want to get rid of. Because you can't really get rid of it. It is it is who you are, it is who you are, yeah. So there is some you know level of acceptance as well as also experimentation, you know, with your identity, right? Because that's where we're at, right? Like you gotta, you know, find those maybe there's some identities that aren't around your core work, and maybe you want to find a little bit more about that versus versus you know getting rid of it all completely. Because you really can't, because it is who you are. It's 50 years of work. You may not have put you know too much thought into it, but that is 50 years worth of work in into that identity.
SPEAKER_00Which which which is there. In fact, you know what, like uh as coaches, uh We do that, we rephrase keeping the essence the same. So your essence is the same. It's like you are kind of looking at it in new um language.
Brian (Host)Yeah, yeah. I you know, I'm just thinking about all the people around me that have crossed crossed the the 50 threshold. Um it's increasing. Where was
Fear Of Judgment And Staying Core
Brian (Host)it as a lot more people? Um as we as we progress towards 50, and uh, you know, there's always been some kind of big shift for people. And what I've found is that a lot of times that shift was career-wise. There, you know, because it was like identity, you know, I think this happens to all of us, right? Our identity is wrapped up into our careers. Um, I think when I left my career in higher education, that's when I realized how much my identity was was into that, into that job, into that position, that title, right? Um, and I think that also is what we are seeking freedom from, especially when we get to that 50. And I've seen a lot of people shift uh jobs, shift focus, um, as they are, you know, as whether they're approaching 50 or at 50 or even after 50, there's something that goes on. Um in a part of that is your career. What are you focusing on? Uh what do you what are your thoughts about that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I also come across a lot of people. Uh I wouldn't say that everyone has the courage to make that shift. Some of them do, but most of them want to do that. And they they have this this thought in their mind, oh my god, we have done so much, we have done a lot. Now I want to do something that gives me happiness instead of just doing this nine to five. I mean, in India it's never nine to five, so it's nine to eight.
Brian (Host)In India, it's way it's like nine to nine, it's like six days a week.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. So a lot of people actually think about it and they want to do it, they they uh they actually aspire to do it. Uh, there is a deep desire to do it, but how many actually do that? Um, that number is not huge.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Still, still, it is not huge, probably uh because they have a lot of responsibilities, liabilities, and lots of other things that keep them, you know, that make them keep doing what they have been doing. But the seeking is there, yeah, seeking freedom is there, and maybe not today, maybe after a couple of years, they might come up and say, enough is enough. Now I am not doing it, now I'll do this. So, you know, why I'm saying it with so much of confidence, Brian, because in my theater studio, most of the people that we received the calls from or who are the participants, these are mostly in their 50s, late 40s and 50s. And when we talk to them about, you know, what brings them here, they're not here to become actors, they are here to explore the unexplored side of their personality, something that they had never done, and they wanted to see whether it is in them or not. So that that seeking of doing something new, going going out of the box, uh, it is there. It it happens at 15.
Brian (Host)Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, no, totally, totally.
Career Freedom And Redefining Success
Brian (Host)Um I just want to, you know, kind of where we're what we're talking about. So a comment earlier from uh a friend talking about you know success and and what does that look like when it cools down? And I had thought about it as does your ambition change, right? And and when you were talking just a second ago, the thought that came to my mind was this idea that I'm so in I I have so much invested into this position, into this title, that I'm scared that it that you know that investment isn't gonna be good, right? Like if I leave, that means I'm pulling my investment, right? Like, what am I gonna invest more into? You know, what am I gonna shift to? And it also comes down to that thought process, you know, of success, right? You know, I think in my generation, uh I'm not millennial, I'm I'm generation X. Is it X or Y? I'm not like I'm not the millennial guy, but I'm like in between X. But in my generation, there was this thought process by at 50, you were supposed to be pretty successful, right? Whether that's you know, your career, you're financially well, right? Like there was a bar to say like 50 years old, I'm supposed to be at this level of success. But at no point in time was that success talking about whether or not I was actually happy, right? Or you know, like what success actually was. It just was more or less like here's this standard, here's this bar that I've been told I have to meet. But do I really want to meet that? But at some point, because I'm invested in my work, that bar has become my bar, right? Like that that's now become the standard that I'm holding myself to is to be happy, or you know, to be successful. What this is what success looks like. And now, yeah, now that's shifting. I think that's a huge shift, as uh uh, you know, in your in our identities and who and how we are how we see ourselves is what is success at this point. Yes, yes, and what's driving it? There's a there's a different there, I feel like there's a different motivation now, there's a different motivator that's gonna drive it.
SPEAKER_00Completely, completely, yeah, yeah. In fact, you know, you talked about investing yourself and in your career for so many years. So I also uh meet some people who have this thought process that I have done enough, which means you know, maybe they have invested enough of themselves in whatever they have been doing. It's time for them to redefine success. So, for success, suppose someone at 50 is at a good position in an organization, or maybe a good business person or a good uh successful entrepreneur, they have already tasted that kind of success work-wise. Now, now what success may look like to them is maybe being invited for a TED talks, TED Talk, or maybe uh if they are part of a play and that is covered by media, and there is a news in media, and their picture is there, or their name is there, maybe that is a renewed success for them, which they have never tasted earlier. And you know, one more thing that comes to my mind while I'm talking about is this is a time when kids uh if if you are a parent, the kids are also pretty grown up, or maybe in their teens, or maybe elder. And uh you also want to create some kind of uh you know, uh an image in the eyes of your kids that are this, you can do this also. So what you have been doing till now was more for the survival, more for bringing the kids up, and more for the expenses and the organization and how you portray yourself in your organization. But after a point, it's more of you being happy and the kids feeling proud of you for things that probably not many parents are doing. Yeah, something different. Yeah, yeah. So I think uh how you look at success also keeps changing as you grow.
Brian (Host)That's so true. And I and as a you know, as a father, my daughter's seven, so you know, she as she gets older, you know, as I get older, it is true that my thought process is, you know, what is she what is she seeing in me? You know, and how what is she gonna how's that gonna show up for her? Right? Um, as I have been going out, going forward, trying to make something from nothing, right? Having uh an idea and then making something from that idea, you know, is does she see it as that or does she see it like, well, a pa's always working, it's always working.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, right. True, yeah.
Brian (Host)And and missing that for me, like, oh, I'm working, but I created something, right? Like, there's excitement for me. Um, but for her, it's just work. You know, excitement for her is very different.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, true, true.
Brian (Host)So that thought that perception, right? Like at 50, it's not necessarily that you don't care about people's perception of you. You become very the list becomes very short of who who you really care about, what they perceive of you.
SPEAKER_05Yes, yes, right.
Brian (Host)The outside world, it's whatever, but it inside
When 50 Feels Like A Crash
Brian (Host)my world, right? My my family's perception of me is still very important.
SPEAKER_03Yes, it is very important, yes.
Brian (Host)Right. So it's you know, in that way, it's not necessarily more, it's I think it's the shrinking down and being more specific about more specific about who who do I really care about, who and who I'm gonna let into my into my world.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00True, true, yeah, yeah. And you you put it across so well, yes, yes.
Brian (Host)Seeking freedom is such an interesting thought, yeah. Right?
SPEAKER_03Actually, actually, yeah, true.
Brian (Host)Yeah. Um, so there was another comment, another question that came up in regards to um what if these things, what if you struggle through these things, right? Like the the moment you're happened, you 50 happens, and then the next day. Um it's not going exactly the way you thought it was gonna go. I think that also I think that's really real, right? There's you know, we're talking some, I think we're somewhat talking the cherry part, but there's a lot of people that are like not where they want to be. And then 50 hits, and then that reality comes kind of crashing in. How do we how do you manage that?
SPEAKER_00So uh again, I mean there are few things which are not in our hands, there are few things which are in our hands, and again, um we can control what we can control. What we can't control, uh, we can't do anything, how much ever energies we put into that, right? So that acceptance is also very, very important. I mean, yes, we are talking about the the positive side of it, and you know, as if everything falls into place the way we want. But if it does not, like experiments, like physics, you know, I I I want to prove this theorem. I want to prove that this is going to turn out like this, but maybe it will not, but still I try. If it happens, very good. If it does not happen, maybe I'll try again. Or maybe I'll change and I'll I'll try and uh prove another theorem which might work for me. So it's not about getting stuck to what and how things should happen for you. It's more about so I I feel at 50, most of us are mature enough to understand that. And if we are not, it's time for us to be. Taking from your for your own experience of last 48, 50 years, um, most of the time the choices that we make are kind of mature enough. But if it is not, I mean, all of us are allowed to make mistakes. So if it does not fall in the in the in the box that we were expecting it to, then maybe it's it's fine. Move ahead. Think of something new and and again try that. It's just 50. I mean, there's so much more.
Brian (Host)Right? I think that's the other piece, right? There's so much more. Yeah. Um, and it and you're right, it's just 50. It's a milestone, but it's also just a number.
SPEAKER_00Yes, it is, it is. It's it's about how you look at it.
Brian (Host)Yeah, yeah. And I love the the piece about control. Because I think at that point, I I feel even at 45, I feel like I have a good understanding, and this is based upon my own life experience,
Control What You Can Control
Brian (Host)of what I have control over and what I don't, and what I'm willing to let go, right? Like, if I don't have control over it, why am I gonna waste my energy focusing on that thing?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah.
Brian (Host)You know, if I you know, there's right, there's only so much I can do.
unknownYeah.
Brian (Host)So as long as I felt like I've put the effort to do what I could do, then the outcome's gonna be the out. Hopefully it's what I want it to be. But it is I feel like as long as I put the effort into it, then I I won't have any regrets to that, right? And it's gonna turn out the way it's gonna turn out. And I feel like at that point in time in our lives, at 50, you're right, we should have at least some sense of of this idea of control, especially particularly in our lives. Because, you know, as as I've been coaching, it's how we respond to things that truth that really plays into what happens, right? Like, if something happens to you, how you respond to it is gonna be way more important than what actually happened.
SPEAKER_03True, very true, very true.
Brian (Host)Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00And and when you talked about this uh you know sense of whether I can control this or whether I can't control this, and putting your energy only in things that are under your control, the most important part is to be able to identify what I can control and what I can't control. That is where that is where the the the the uh the thin line is.
Brian (Host)Right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and we we we need to be very, very vigilant about that thin line and not crossing over that. Because all of us do that as human beings, but yes, uh at 50, I think that sense is a little better as compared to when we were very young.
Brian (Host)Yeah, totally, totally. And I, you know, I just continuing the thought because the thing came to me of like you get in trouble when you try to take control, right? When you cross that that very thin line of of what you actually have control over and what you don't, and what you're trying to take control over something you have no control over, right? Is when everything just goes to ruin. And you and you end up making choices, you end up making decisions that are completely counter to who you've been. Yes, right, because you're willing to you're thinking in your mind the I at least I feel like you think in your mind the the ends justify the means.
SPEAKER_05Right?
Brian (Host)It's so important to get this control that I'm willing to almost do anything. Yeah, which is a very, very slippery slope.
SPEAKER_00It is, and we have to seek freedom from this thought as well.
Brian (Host)That's another thing, that's another thing right there, right? Very yes, ah I think that's a good one, right? Seeking freedom from this the essence to take control over things, yeah, yeah. You know, I this yeah, that's so good. Um wow. So we've been we've we've gone through a lot of different areas. We've talked so much about seeking freedom. Um you know, someone I put forward of what's to look forward to to at 50. You know, like what's the what's the what's the thing to happen when
Age, Longevity, And Feeling Young
Brian (Host)you get to 50? Yeah, and my DEI brain, you know, click on of like 50 is like kind of technically the sweet spot in our ageism kind of system, right? Like at 50, technically, you're supposed to be at the pinnacle of of your life within privilege. Um, because people seek your advice, right? Like, there's more people looking towards you, you have more power in a sense of your age to be able to say, you know, to say something. You you know, it's no one's gonna like back talk to you if you if you aren't bringing your opinion about something, people will actually stop and listen to your opinion. Whether they take it or not is different. Uh, but people will actually listen to you. Um I I feel like I've seen that. Like my the the uncles and aunties downstairs, and they're you know, and they I'm walking around and all of a sudden they want to share their thoughts about something. I will stop and listen out of respect, regardless if I have any idea what they're talking about. But I will stop, listen, and and continue on, right? That elder kind of moment.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
Brian (Host)So I almost feel like at 50 that almost that's because that kind of like starts weirdly enough. I don't know if that's true.
SPEAKER_00Maybe, maybe. Uh, because you know, um these days I feel 50 is still considered to be very young. The longevity the longevity of that's a good point, yeah, uh, has increased a lot.
Brian (Host)Right, right.
SPEAKER_00Earlier, if I if if I recall when I was I was young, maybe eight, ten years old, uh, someone who is 60 can't was considered to be like quite old. And 70 was like, oh, oh, okay.
Brian (Host)I mean, it was like aged, right? Yeah, that's aged. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I I remember um uh my uh you know people in my uh contact sphere at that point, uh the uncles and aunties and you know um the friends of my parents, uh they they used to be like uh someone who was very experienced and very kind of old may not be the right word, but yeah, someone very senior at 50. But when I turned 50, I didn't feel that for myself. Uh uh because I have my parents to look up to. They're there with us, and we are privileged to have them with us. So I still remain the child in front of them, and I feel good that I have that privilege to still be the child in front of them. So I think these these these things these things have also uh given a lot of uh freedom to be free.
Brian (Host)Yeah, I didn't I didn't, you know what? I totally did not think of it in that in that context, right? Because you because we still have people that connect to us in that way.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
Brian (Host)Yeah. My mom is young, so she's uh you know, she's six in her sixties, and um and and my grandmother is still with us in her 80s, so you're right, right? Like when I was younger, 60 was like, oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very and now, you know, in 90s and 100, right? Like, you know, it definitely, you know, it definitely feels a little bit different.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it it
Health As A New Kind Of Freedom
SPEAKER_00also, Brian, uh at 50, uh see, health also has. Become a big thing now. And that is also keeping people at 50 much younger as compared to what we used to see earlier. So that's that's another thing that you know that sudden spark of, oh my God, I have to keep my health right. That is another seeking freedom thought.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00Arrives at around that time, you know, about 45-50. That okay, because we know that you know, there's a lot more years that we are going to be here, and we we better be independent and you know, bodies should be working well. So I think even that is another side of seeking freedom at 50. I feel that you know, seeking freedom from the redundant life that we have been living all these years, uh, maybe not taking care of our lives as we should have, and the routines and everything. So, you know, we we we make it a point, we make an effort to break that pattern, and uh because we know that the body is changing, uh, the age is catching up, whether we we accept it or not, we cannot deny that. So I think that is also something which comes very strong at this age.
Brian (Host)Yeah, no, definitely. Um, as you were saying that, you know, uh a friend of mine passed who passed away just recently. She was super young. She was like she was in her she she had just turned 50 and the later half of her life she lived a really hard life. She was making really bad choices, and um and she was going she was in a space that wasn't really helpful, and she was coming finally coming out of that space. But her body just couldn't handle it. Yeah, and so you know, as I you know, I think that's the other piece of this. You know, there's a lot of people that are leaving us. You know, as we get as we're getting older, and as our parents and grandparents and aunties and uncles that are that are getting older as well, it it does become more frequent that you're seeing death, you're seeing you know, that maybe before that was something that was not as happening as often.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
Loss, Wake Up Calls, And Fitness
Brian (Host)Um, and it was definitely one of those moments of like that was a tragedy as a young and you know, unfortunately, growing growing up in the US, there was a lot of tragedies of you know, people passing away super young. Um but now in 50s, it's almost like okay, you know, this this is a possibility.
SPEAKER_00This is a possibility. My my husband started to run after 50. He never used to run. He started running and now he's running marathon.
Brian (Host)Okay. So what triggered what triggered the change?
SPEAKER_00I I don't know. I'll have to ask him for this answer, but uh what I have uh seen in him is uh the awareness of being fit, um, and uh awareness to be uh independent, not dependent, and you know, having a comfortable, healthy life. So he changed a lot of things, and he is an athlete now, and he started after 50, I think 50, 52, he started running. And we are super inspired. So, you know, it depends how you what kind of freedom you are seeking at 50. That is also one thing that we need to uh really understand and put our uh thought into that. Okay, seeking freedom is good, but what exactly are we seeking?
Brian (Host)Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're right. What is it? What is it that you're looking to have freedom?
SPEAKER_05Yes, yes, yeah, yes, yeah.
Brian (Host)And that will lead to a lot of the experimentation, the exploration of yourself, right? What what you're looking to to find freedom in. True, true, yeah. Ah, it's such a great this is this is why we have a second episode right here. This is exactly why we have a second episode. Ah, wow. Um well, I you know, looking at our time here, what uh what would you like to share with folks as we as we kind of close out this really amazing conversation about seeking freedom at 50?
SPEAKER_00So um what I feel is that keep seeking, um but be vigilant what this freedom means to you. And what is it going to give you? So be very, very thoughtful about what you are seeking. But freedom is something that that is a right for everyone.
What Freedom Are You Seeking
SPEAKER_00So keep seeking and keep seeking the right. I don't know. Do I sound like one crazy person?
Brian (Host)No, no, that was super good. That was super good. You know, I just love the breakup right there. Like, no, it was really good because it you're right. It is the last part makes you think about what is right. When you left it, you left it the cliffhanger. You left an amazing cliffhanger there. So, you know, seek what's right. And I think that's you know, what's right for you. So it's beautiful. It was it was amazing. So thank you so much.
SPEAKER_07Thank you.
Brian (Host)All right. Well, uh, I think that wraps up this amazing episode. Uh, thank you so much for coming on.
SPEAKER_00Uh I had fun talking to you.
Brian (Host)I think I think we're gonna do a third time. I think we're gonna do a third time. It's just it's just too good.
SPEAKER_00Definitely.
SPEAKER_01Thank you for listening to What Makes Us. Make sure to rate or review this podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, or send it to a friend who you think will enjoy this podcast. Thank you for sharing your time and see you soon.
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